Mending the Nets

Remember the time when you had some order in your life? When everything fits in place and flows together we get a sense of purpose and a feeling of peace brought about the calmness we feel.We fall out of the seams when we become unhinged from all these and our natural response is actually twofold; to deny and not do anything or to try to bring some order back in our lives.There are actually many types of NEEDS that must be met in order for us to feel complete and these needs are categorized in a heirarchy where your most basic and fundamental needs take precedence over others. Without going through the psychology behind human nature let's talk of these needs as we see, feel, and heed them in our daily living. I think one of our most basic NEEDS is our need to BELONG. Our relationships with our spouse, loved ones, our co-workers, friends, and colleagues gives a basic understanding of our sense of belonging. To be part of something gives us a sense of purpose, a sense of security. We often define who we are not only by what we do but also by where we are.This notion is often overlooked and sometimes over emphasized. What you must understand is that although you are in a relationship, you must still exercise your individuality as well as respect other people for theirs.

One of the key areas under our NEED TO BELONG is that of our relationships. I'm going to ask you a question and I want you to think of the QUESTION as well as your ANSWER:

"Are your relationships healthy?"

Now take a moment to think about that. Does a healthy relationship mean it's based on trust, is free of tensions, reservations, stress, etc.? Well, yes and no. Yes in that a healthy relationship does require the previous criterias be met and no in that some elements besides what's mentioned above need addressing as well. First of these is the idea of "Give and Take". Now remember that there are no perfect relationships. Like everything else it needs to be worked at, to be sustained and nurtured in order to make it work; and making relationships work is not a one man team, it takes both partners to play by the rules. When a point of compromise is reached on a given subject or issue between two people how far do you think can you maintain your end of the bargain before your comfort zones are breached? Do you stretch your limits and compromise your needs, your feelings, your standards just to make it work? Or do you give up and consider it a no win situation and walk away? The reason why a lot of relationships don't work is that people are afraid to enter or commit themselves into letting each other know how they feel.

"How well do you communicate with your partner?"

Find time to talk to one another. Bring that inner spark back in your relationship. Often times, with kids, work, mortgage payments,and everything else taking the time to talk to one another is starting to sound like a rare commodity.I don't mean the usual " How was your day?" talk. Talk of your needs. as we grow older our needs change. Build your relationships based not just on trust but also understanding and acceptance. Know that we are not perfect people so respect your partners' flaws as well as you do their strengths. I think one of the key issues which I think a lot of people miss is the part about LISTENING.

"How well do you listen to your partner?"

What I mean by that is do you listen with deaf ears? When your partner talks and opens his or herself to you try to understand them. A good listener always asks when something is vague or not clearly understood. This gives your partner a gauge on your level of interest or concern on what they are telling you. So don't be a passive listener and be more engaging by showing and letting your partner feel that you are actually there for them. Another key point on being a good listener is to never interrupt your partner when they are trying to get  a point across to you. Wait for them to finish and speak with plain honesty.

Mending the nets in any relationship is never easy. It takes effort from both sides to make it work. Respect your partner and be honest with him or her. Don't take them for granted and show them you appreciate the little senseless acts of love they do for you. Remember that if you give love into a relationship its love you get in return. Until our next post, folks...take care and do love one another. We've only one take in this thing called life. Make your relationships work and feel better today.

Seeing the World for the First Time

We often find ourselves wondering, if for no other reason than simply being, the world is really how we see it or as we hope it to be. We live in difficult and wonderful times. I say difficult because we live in a day and age where ages can pass in a day or days can feel like ages. It isn't comforting to know that we must adapt to an ever changing world day in and day out; not to mention still trying to be functional at the same time. What I am alluding to is that we live in a fast paced world where technological breakthroughs happen overnight and become obsolete the next. But let's not talk of that because we will be missing the point altogether. When we see something for the first time we stand in awe, it's almost like being born. Yet here we are in this mystery, waiting for a miracle, for something, for anything to unfold before our eyes, wanting for a change but what exactly we don't really know. Or how.

Life is full of moments, full of surprises, some painful and some joyful.How do we see the world then? In life, it's not enough to simply want something and strive for it. In all simplicity a meaning must be associated with our actions, our misgivings, our mistakes, our sadness, and our happiness. However, in our quest to find what it is that really matters to us we lose the most important person of all in the process. Ourselves. We can't see the world for the first time if we don't know what we are looking for; we don't know what we are looking for if we don't know what we want; and we don't know what we want if we don't know ourselves. So do you see where this is heading?

Life as we know it is about suffering.It's about the daily grind of living, of getting by. It's about a compromise of trying to make ends meet and trying to arrive at a middle ground for almost everything in fact. I know I may sound a little pessimistic in this intro but one can never really understand or put a value to the rare and gleeful moments in one's life without knowing pain from happiness, hurt from love. When you were in your mother's womb she had to endure the 9 months of discomfort, of postural problems, and the unease of carrying you around and finally, upon birth, the pain of labor. But look at you now. You were brought into this world held by loving arms, seeing the world through innocent eyes, and finally grown to the individual that you are now, full of potential and awareness. You are your gift to the world. Remember that always.

There is always wonderment in self-discovery. Seeing the world for the first time, as I mentioned earlier, is like being born again. The plain truth is the world is ,as you see it now, does not and will not change. In order for you to have a deeper understanding of what you see or associate with, or even feel, the journey has to and must start from within. Understand that all of us, as individuals, have our own stories to tell. We have our own versions to this thing called life and we each have special experiences and moments which essentially define how we see and perceive the world. Notice that I did not say Understand the world. Seeing and Understanding are two different matters altogether.In order for you to see the world for the first time again you would have to go back to a stage of innocence, figuratively speaking, and although this isnt an easy task by any means it starts simply by accepting this two words; LET GO. Let go of all that trouble you, let go of all that pains you, let go of all the negativity that surrounds you, and let go for your desire for worldly possessions. When you are empty you arrive to a level of awareness where every moment is absorbed and appreciated, every senseless acts of love is felt and understood, every second of your life is felt and lived at the utmost and you will feel connected and contented.

So until our next post...a safe and eventful journey to you....