All of the answers we seek in our daily lives depend, ultimately, on the questions we posed. Whether or not the answers we get register as being satisfactory is really a matter of whether they answer our questions or not. You have to understand that being "results" oriented is the objective of this post and the results we often get in life aren't really what we expect or want altogether. Whether we realize it or not, most of what we do in a day to day basis is a journey towards an answer, a solution to a problem or question. This daily "quest" of ours drives us to continually redefine ourselves, to continually strive towards a balance of "why we do what we do" and "if what we do is right for us".
It really boils down to CONTROL. We want to have a comfortable grasp over all aspects of our lives so that we an exert a certain level of control. We equate control with security and therein lies the flaw. We often seek answers which we feel will give us total control of our lives, not leaving anything to chance. We seek security in the way we exert control or the strength of our control. If we feel unhinged or maybe even unsure of how certain areas in our lives play out, it is because we lose that sense of security we feel when we are on top of things.
Our insecurity or fear of not being able to man our own oars leads to issues on how we interpret and function in the world we live in. We fear the unknown because we have no control of any outcome. But let's just stop for a minute and try to think about these 3 points I would like to share with you;
1. Ask simple questions, get direct, simple answers.
2. It's better to ask 5 simple questions and get 5 direct, simple, and true answers than asking a long complex question whose answer is complex and full of "uncertain" meaning.
3. Ask often. Think of your questions as your life's "maps".
The first point teaches us SIMPLICITY. Breaking it down to it's finer points allows us to uncover details we , on occasion, miss. Don't complicate your already complicated life. Bask in certainty by asking simple questions. Direct and simple answers are about as real as you get. The second point teaches us PATIENCE. Sometimes we want to know too much too soon to get our tensions and apprehensions out of the way,but I always say "There is a time for everything, and everything has it's own time". Learn to master this art;patience. The third point teaches us DIRECTION. By having direction we have FOCUS and focus is what fine tunes our efforts.
Perspective and Priorities also play a role on how we ask our life questions. The three points I mentioned above will make you more "tuned" to your priorities, regardless of their level of importance. Once again, until our next post. Take care of yourselves, guys. Make the world a better place by starting with yourselves. Thanks again for your time..JowelMD signing off
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
When Your Kids Lie
There is no greater pain and frustration for any parent than when they see their kids start to LIE. Evey parent knows this. When your kids lie you begin to ask yourself where you've gone wrong or that what it is about you that makes your child rather not say the truth and, instead,lie. There are many factors involved and the usual reason is the child wanted to escape scolding, a bit of tongue lashing, perhaps, or even punishment. I don't know about you but my view in the matter is parent's should not punish their children. A healthy relationship between parent and child is based on trust. Trust is only gained when they communicate openly and honestly.
I remember as a child I lied to my parents on several occasion to avoid being grounded or punished. It is only now do I realize, now that I too am a parent, that even parents aren't perfect. We want so much to do what's best for our children that we unknowingly overdo it at times. We have to give our children some room to breathe and grow, to be able to make their own decision, and see for themselves what life is really like out there. When we talk to our children they become more comfortable in disclosing sensitive issues which they would rather hide than talk about. Some pointers to keep in mind are:
1. Encourage your children but LET THEM decide.
2. Give them some room for personal growth. Let them mingle with their peers.
3. When you say something say it like you MEAN IT and when you say you are going to do something, DO IT. Don't make excuses because that's the first step in creating a distance between you and your child.
4. Learn to TRUST your child. Let him or her feel that you too are thriving on this bond.
5. Interfere only when you have to. Let them come to you if they seek advice or help but reassure them that you are there for them.
6. Find things that you enjoy together and make it a point to do them regardless of your schedule or commitments.
7. Remember that your child is your legacy and he or she will carry on to their children what you have taught.
Parenting is a learn-as-you-go experience. No matter what advice is bestowed on you if you are a new parent you know that nothing really compares to being one day in and day out. Good parenting is also about learning. As a parent we need to be flexible and open-minded. It really hurts when your kids start to lie and the only way to break the habit is to explain to them at the level they can understand that you were hurt. Try to undermine the reason why they needed to lie and address this. Never leave this out in the open because lying can become habitual. Let them know and feel that you are there for them and no matter how they do wrong you will always love them. I always say being a parent is an adventure. The sleepless nights having to change diapers or warm milk bottles gave way to screaming, running little preschoolers and having to look for almost anything from the tv remote to your shoes. It is fun and everyday something new always comes up. So you parents out there, cherish every moment because your kids will only be young once. Next thing you know you are paying for college tuition and dealing with boyfriends or girlfriends . Ahh, parenting indeed.
I remember as a child I lied to my parents on several occasion to avoid being grounded or punished. It is only now do I realize, now that I too am a parent, that even parents aren't perfect. We want so much to do what's best for our children that we unknowingly overdo it at times. We have to give our children some room to breathe and grow, to be able to make their own decision, and see for themselves what life is really like out there. When we talk to our children they become more comfortable in disclosing sensitive issues which they would rather hide than talk about. Some pointers to keep in mind are:
1. Encourage your children but LET THEM decide.
2. Give them some room for personal growth. Let them mingle with their peers.
3. When you say something say it like you MEAN IT and when you say you are going to do something, DO IT. Don't make excuses because that's the first step in creating a distance between you and your child.
4. Learn to TRUST your child. Let him or her feel that you too are thriving on this bond.
5. Interfere only when you have to. Let them come to you if they seek advice or help but reassure them that you are there for them.
6. Find things that you enjoy together and make it a point to do them regardless of your schedule or commitments.
7. Remember that your child is your legacy and he or she will carry on to their children what you have taught.
Parenting is a learn-as-you-go experience. No matter what advice is bestowed on you if you are a new parent you know that nothing really compares to being one day in and day out. Good parenting is also about learning. As a parent we need to be flexible and open-minded. It really hurts when your kids start to lie and the only way to break the habit is to explain to them at the level they can understand that you were hurt. Try to undermine the reason why they needed to lie and address this. Never leave this out in the open because lying can become habitual. Let them know and feel that you are there for them and no matter how they do wrong you will always love them. I always say being a parent is an adventure. The sleepless nights having to change diapers or warm milk bottles gave way to screaming, running little preschoolers and having to look for almost anything from the tv remote to your shoes. It is fun and everyday something new always comes up. So you parents out there, cherish every moment because your kids will only be young once. Next thing you know you are paying for college tuition and dealing with boyfriends or girlfriends . Ahh, parenting indeed.
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