How To Cure Loneliness

Can you recognize symptoms of loneliness? Can you outrightly pick out behavioral changes brought about or due to loneliness? Well, being alone is no fun that's for sure but what's important to unravel is why people are alone, or more importantly, why do they make the conscious decision to BE alone.

A lot of times in our lives we experience pain that continually haunt us. Because of the anxiety, depression, and remorse associated with such an experience we often avoid circumstances and situations which may precipitate a repeat of such an experience. In other words we become defensive in nature. Perhaps a failed relationship or a tragic experience can lead to this. It is in our human nature to take the path of least resistance and this form of countermeasure, although effective, has its own downside as well.

A lot of us tend to be "loners", preferring to be left alone going about our own business. Well, let me share with you two universal truths regarding loneliness;

1. NONE of us are ever truly alone.

2. Loneliness is NOT healthy.

Let me elaborate on these two points. None of us are ever truly alone. Whether we care to admit it or not, we are never really alone. Somewhere out there someone or a group of people associate themselves with you and that means relationships. Of course if you have other issues in question like communication gaps and issues of trust that is a different matter altogether. Resolution or closure of such issues can indeed broaden distances between two people and is , therefore, unhealthy. The other point is that we as human beings thrive on relationships for personal growth, maturity, emotional completeness, and character building. Without other people to complete our lives we are socially insecure, emotionally unstable, and lacking self-esteem. What's more is that loneliness can lead to depression and depression can lead to death.

So the question begins with HOW,but the first part of any problem starts with recognition and acceptance. Only when you have come to that point can healing be initiated( and without difficulty). I am not saying you should go out more, although that's not a bad suggestion in the sense, but I am hinting at making your present relationships richer. Relationships, you see, are like plants. They need to be taken care of and nurtured in order to grow healthily. So curing loneliness begins with this first step:

1. Make your relationships richer.

The next step has something to do with YOU. You must allow yourself some room to change, be open-minded, be patient, and, most importantly, be more loving. Know this other universal truth; There are many things in life we are not capable of changing, but those in which we have the power to change we can certainly improve upon. And that certainly does not exclude you. The second step to the HOW then is:

2. Reset your life by resetting yourself.

The third step to curing loneliness is rather difficult for most people. Difficult in the sense that they don't see this term in it's totality. Instead they see it in gradients or degrees of partiality. What am I talking about? FORGIVENESS. Is it so hard to forgive SOMEONE? Let me rephrase the question in a different light. Is it so hard to forgive YOURSELF? I want you to think long and hard on that one. Try to see how the question relates to your life, your relationships, your outlook, and almost everything else,really. You see, it all begins with recognizing the problem, accepting that there is indeed a problem, and for whatever mistakes or shortcomings thereof-forgiveness. Remember, the third step is:

3. Learn to be more forgiving.

Being alone or feeling lonely is not healthy. Not only do you harbor negativity and emotional instability you also prevent yourself from growing in all aspects. Don't close yourself out. Don't shut the door to the world. You are not simply going to fade away or become distant memory because this is real life, not poetry. With that we come to the last step in curing loneliness:

4. Be not afraid.

Fear is the one greatest thing which hampers almost everything in our lives. I can go on and on on how it affects us and destabilize and immobilize us but let us take it on the viewpoint of loneliness. We are alone because we are afraid to commit, we are afraid to make the first step to closure, we are afraid of taking risks, we are afraid of being hurt (again?), or we are afraid of failing. You get the picture. Life warrants necessary risks from time to time, you see. Learn to use your fears to your advantage. Use it as a leverage to becoming more cautious, more attentive, and more sensitive to your needs and other peoples as well. Never let it be a deterring factor in your life.

Until our next post, folks. You guys take care.

A Time of Giving

What makes a person memorable, ever wondered about that? Is it their personality? Their status, perhaps? The way they engage conversations? Maybe so, but the truth is the people we remember the most are the ones who share a little of themselves, their time, their resources to those in dire need of a helping hand. Call it charity, if you will, but it simply is an act of love called kindness.

We go through life aiming for a gold standard. We want to belong and we want to feel that we are needed or we are someone important. Often times our only real competitor ( and conscience) is ourselves. And yet we hear about these individuals everyday, giving generously to the community, to charity, to a cause they believe in. "Giving back", is a loosely coined term which means sharing some of the blessings bestowed upon them. If you were, perhaps, a millionaire you would probably do the same.

My question to you is do you really need to be somebody famous, rich, or important to show a gesture of kindness and love to those in need? What about the millions of unsung heroes who unselfishly give whatever they can to those less fortunate than they? You certainly never hear about them. My point here is that we need to exercise humility and generosity in our lives. An old friend of mine who passed away a long time ago used to always tell me that a coffin has no pockets. He would rather die a poor man and be fondly remembered by those whose lives he touched than die a rich man nobody ever knew. That was the legacy he wanted to leave behind. He did.

We hoard materialistic possessions and we have become slaves of society and somewhere along the line it's becoming really difficult to be a good samaritan. The truth is we have become obsessed with beating deadlines, acquiring promotions, climbing that corporate ladder one rung at a time, or even just making ends meet with that nine-to-fiver minimum wage job, that our daily practices circumvent towards monotony. We have forgotten how to feel and be felt. That is why generosity sometimes reminds us that we have one other social obligation we have for so long neglected; to help a friend.

The time of giving is now. Don't always associate giving with money because a little of your time, a sound advice, a helping hand, even just a warm meal can mean the world to someone. If you were to leave a legacy behind leave one worth remembering over and over again. Practice kindness, be patient, be humble, be unselfish, be forgiving, be loving, and always believe in yourself. Until our next post,folks.