The 5 Steps of Forgiving

Why is it so hard for most of us to forgive? Maybe I should ask why is it so hard for us to ask for forgiveness? I mean let's face it folks, none of us want to admit we are wrong but we always make it a point to point out the wrongs of others. The fact is it takes A LOT to say you are sorry but it takes A WHOLE LOT MORE to forgive someone for it. You ever wonder why? Is it just human nature, you think?

The truth is no one really wants to admit they are wrong, even to themselves. They will put the blame on somebody else's fault but not theirs. Let me ask you this, which do you think is harder for you; saying that you are sorry or granting someone pardon for their mistakes, i.e. accepting their apology?

Forgiving or forgiveness in general says a lot of a person's character, really. Remember this; when you forgive, you, in return, are also forgiven. Now what does this mean to you, in particular, you may ask? We all make mistakes. Admitting our mistakes is the first step. This it turns out is perhaps the hardest of the 5 steps because it would take some humility on your part and a degree of willingness to change. It's always difficult to admit that you are wrong but you will be appreciated more when you do. When you say you are sorry give a reason why, don't just say, " I'm sorry", and leave it at that. Let's take, for example, a scenario where you have hurt your best friend. This is the ideal way to say that you are sorry.." I am sorry I hurt you. It wasn't my intention to do so. I was selfish (maybe you were), and I should have known better. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me.". When you are honest and sincere enough, they will feel your apology.

The second step is working towards a feasible solution. You may not always like what that solution maybe even if it's for the "common good". This step will test your ability to compromise; to give and take. It takes some communicating on your part as well as in the part of the other person involved. Don't dig up old pains. Leave them behind. Remember you are working for a better jumpstart in your relationship. Talk about what you both can do to make your relationship work. No it isn't just patch up and make up. Lay your cards on the table and talk about your issues. Tell the other person how you really feel and listen to how they feel as well. Don't take any issue for granted or even as a silly one. It may feel silly to you but if it hurts them then it must have some importance to them.

The third and perhaps the most important step is closure. When you forgive someone its completely, not halfway through. What I mean by that is learn how to forget. Yes, forget. It is easier to forgive than forget sometimes but if you really meant to forgive then this is a non-issue. The reason why it's hard for us to forget is that we associate pain to that experience and whenever it's remembered, so is the pain. This takes time, of course. It's true when they say time takes away all things, even memory.

The fourth step is application. What have you learned from such an experience? Certainly, you may have discovered that we, as people in general, are really vulnerable to emotional insult. What's more we tend to avoid circumstances which may be a prelude to yet another repeat performance of having to say that you are sorry or having to accept someone else's apology, especially if the same issues are involved. Remember though that every experience in life, whether its pleasurable or painful, is a learning curve. I don't want you to think that you are weak when you say you are sorry whenever you commit a mistake. On the contrary, it in fact is a sign of strength in character and sound principles.

The fifth step is the more committed step because it involves change. You obviously had to change something to set things right and you obviously must maintain this change to keep things right. Once you have admitted your mistakes, resolved your issues, and worked towards a solution, the last thing to do is change towards maintaining what you have worked so hard together to achieve.

So, the 5 steps of Forgiving are;

1. Admit that you are wrong

2. Work your Issues out. Talk about feasible solutions

3. Closure

4. Apply what you have learned

5. Commitment to change.

So there you have it folks. Do take care and love one another. Until our next post...

When Words Fail

How do you describe happiness If you feel better today can that elated feeling carry you through tomorrow,the next day and the next? How does one describe contentment when rare are the occasions when it is actually felt and appreciated.I guess what I am trying to ask you is are you happy? Be honest. Making do is not the same as being happy, it never was and it never will. To some people happiness is an ideal that must be pursued, a state of being that essentially completes them. Well, yes and no. Happiness is a feeling. It's a gauge which tells you you are essentially in the right path, that you are in good hands, and that you are loved. How does one arrive at being happy then? Do we simply decide one Tuesday morning after an awful Monday that we are simply going to be happy the rest of the week? If it were that simple, pharmaceutical companies making anti-depressants would be out of business in no time at all. All wars would end and the world would be a peaceful and happy place to live in. If it were only true.

The reason why most, if not all, of us are never contented is because we are hardly ever satisfied with what we have. The yearning to be more, to have more, and to do more drives us in a restless state of apprehension. We just want more of our desires be fulfilled and we want it now and fast. Now therein lies the ordeal of human nature as we spiral down this path.If you have a family remember the day your first child was born? Words fail you do they not? That indescribable feeling just takes over you and there are no words, no words at all, to describe how you've felt that day. Do you remember? Of course you do. THAT is happiness. Why would it not be worth it then to want to feel like that everyday, to feel blessed beyond your dreams, to feel complete? It's worth it and it's worth all of it.

Here are some Golden Rules on being happy:

Identify what your needs and desires are and draw the line between the two. Know what your basic fundamental needs are and what you deem to be commodities.

Don't make a habit of keeping your expectations too high. Aim high but be realistic with your expected results. If you keep them lofty most of the time you'd have to plan ahead in case of disappointments.

Learn how to accept and make do with what you have. What's in front of you is more real and tangible than what you can ever expect to have.

Practice patience. Know that being patient will yield more results than fumbling blindly into things.


Be humble at all times. Let people discover what you are about instead of broadcasting to the world and fail to deliver.

Stay away from negative people because negative people don't live very long.

Develop an open mind.

Never lash out in anger.

Nurture your relationships with other people and do play your part. Never promise what you can't deliver because losing someone's trust creates tension and basically says you are insensitive to other people's needs as well.

Be kind always.

Don't be afraid to say that you are sorry when you slight someone. Admitting your mistakes says a ton about your character. Remember that pride can only take you so far.

Be positive at all times.

Love more.

If you think about what you lack in your life and what you have try to assess what each means to you. What's more real? Work with what you have, That way you will develop a deeper appreciation of the many things that comprise your life. Be happy because you are blessed more than you know. Be happy because you are loved. Be happy because you love. If you keep this in mind you'll feel better today and everyday. Until our next post then...do take care and be kind to one another. Thank you for your time.