Mending the Nets

Remember the time when you had some order in your life? When everything fits in place and flows together we get a sense of purpose and a feeling of peace brought about the calmness we feel. We fall out of the seams when we become unhinged from all these and our natural response is actually twofold; to deny and not do anything or to try to bring some order back in our lives.There are actually many types of NEEDS that must be met in order for us to feel complete and these needs are categorized in a heirarchy where your most basic and fundamental needs take precedence over others. Without going through the psychology behind human nature let's talk of these needs as we see, feel, and heed them in our daily living. I think one of our most basic NEEDS is our need to BELONG. Our relationships with our spouse, loved ones, our co-workers, friends, and colleagues gives a basic understanding of our sense of belonging. To be part of something gives us a sense of purpose, a sense of security. We often define who we are not only by what we do but also by where we are.This notion is often overlooked and sometimes over emphasized. What you must understand is that although you are in a relationship, you must still exercise your individuality as well as respect other people for theirs.  

One of the key areas under our NEED TO BELONG is that of our relationships. I'm going to ask you some questions and  I want you to think of the QUESTIONS as well as your ANSWERS:

"Are your relationships healthy?"

Now take a moment to think about that. Does a healthy relationship mean it's based on trust, is free of tensions, reservations, stress, etc.? Well, yes and no. Yes in that a healthy relationship does require the
previous criterias be met and no in that some elements besides what's mentioned above need addressing as well. First of these is the idea of "Give and Take". Now remember that there are no perfect relationships. Like everything else it needs to be worked at, to be sustained and nurtured in order to make it work; and
making relationships work is not a one man team, it takes both partners to play by the rules. When a point of compromise is reached on a given subject or issue between two people how far do you think can you maintain your end of the bargain before your comfort zones are breached? Do you stretch your limits and compromise your needs, your feelings, your standards just to make it work? Or do you give up and consider it a no win situation and walk away? The reason why a lot of relationships don't work is that people are afraid to enter or commit themselves into letting each other know how they feel.

"How well do you communicate with your partner?"

Find time to talk to one another. Bring that inner spark back in your relationship. Often times, with kids,work, mortgage payments,and everything else taking the time to talk to one another is starting to sound like a rare commodity. I don't mean the usual " How was your day?" talk. Talk of your needs. as we grow older our needs change. Build your relationships based not just on trust but also understanding and acceptance. Know that we are not perfect people so respect your partners' flaws as well as you do their strengths. I think one of the key issues which I think a lot of people miss is the part about LISTENING.

"How well do you listen to your partner?"

What I mean by that is do you listen with deaf ears? When your partner talks and opens his or herself to you try to understand them. A good listener always asks when something is vague or not clearly understood. This gives your partner a gauge on your level of interest or concern on what they are telling you. So don't be a passive listener and be more engaging by showing and letting your partner feel that you are actually there for them.Another key point on being a good listener is to never interrupt your partner when they are trying to get  a point across to you. Wait for them to finish and speak with plain honesty.

Mending the nets in any relationship is never easy. It takes effort from both sides to make it work. Respect your partner and be honest with him or her. Don't take them for granted and show them you appreciate the little senseless acts of love they do for you. Remember that if you give love into a relationship its love you get in return. Until our next post, folks...take care and love one another. We've only one take in this thing called life. Make your relationships work and feel better today.
           

The 7 Pertinent Things

There are really only several things that matter in life. They make up the core of who you are.Remember that the fundamental things in life never change; they are as they are now as they always were. Don't complicate your life by putting a lot of effort and energy in misdirected priorities. The funny thing about human nature is that we, as human beings, tend to lose interest in many of the things we start and over time we search and yearn for more. A lot of us start something and fail to see it through because we tend to lose interest or find out later on that what we were engaged in isn't really for us. This same concept is seen in almost all forms of endeavor whether they relate to your personal life, your work, or any field of interest that you happen to like. We tend to be whimsical and easily get restless. Why is that do you often wonder? Well, as we evolve, as we grow, and as we strive in a constantly changing world we have this need to be essentially in control in almost all aspects of our lives. We feel that we need to stay on top of things in order to achieve that level of security we constantly strive for. The sad fact is in all of this is that we often times miss out or only have a vague idea of the things that really matter. Wouldn't you be more happier if you try to live a simpler life, making the most of any situation, being always positive and focused. Let me tell you that money is essential for our survival but it isn't the key to our survival. The concept about money revolves around the fact that as you make more, your needs increase dramatically, and with that so does your need to make more money. What if, for instance, everything you worked so hard for including all of your money was taken from you. Where would you be then? We would feel at a complete loss is that not true?

The first thing that matters is your Faith.

•  How well do you practice your faith? 
• What do you really mean when you say to yourself that you believe? 

The second thing that matters is your Health

•  We have already talked about this in one of our past posts. Do remember that Healthy means physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally healthy.
• Be conscious and proactive in implementing a healthy lifestyle. Remember that everything starts and ends with you.

The third thing that matters is your Family.

•  I know it's often hard to spend some time together with your family but make it a priority in your life to actually be there for them in their time of need. 
• Learn how to talk to your kids so they don't feel uneasy whenever they want to consult you for anything whether its advice or as simple as an opinion.
• If tension exists in your family try to work towards a solution.

The fourth thing that matters is your Love.

•  How well do you love?
• Remember that ALL COMES FROM LOVE. Think about that one.
• Let the people in your life know that you love them. Show them that you do and let them feel that. Saying you love someone isn't enough if they don't feel your love.

The fifth thing that matters is your Principles in life.

•  What foundations have you set for yourself? I don't just mean your work ethic here.
• Try to go back in the beginning posts and read about the 4 basic principles I have cited; AN OPEN MIND, AN UNDERSTANDING HEART, CLARITY OF VISION, SINGULARITY OF PURPOSE.

The sixth thing that matters is your Social Obligations.

• How well do you function in the workplace?
• Are you a good friend? 
• Do you radiate positivity to your colleagues?

The seventh thing that matters is the Legacy you will leave behind.

• How do you want to be remembered?

The 7 Pertinent Things are rather simple are they not? If you were to write down on a piece of paper your thoughts on the question "What matters most in you life?" do you think one or several of the above would be included in your list? What I am driving at here is the beauty of arriving to a level of contentment in your life where you feel connected to the people around you, to your faith, to the world  outside, and most importantly to yourself. Rekindle or reassess what's important to you. Who cares if the next door neighbor's car is more expensive than yours. There are many things in life that we lack but there are more things in life we didn't know we had. Remember that.

Don't trap yourself in a life where you feel you constantly have to strive in order to belong. Take a step back and rethink your priorities. Try to remember who you are, what you are, and why you are here. Never short change yourself. Always take the path of least resistance and always fight the good fight. We only got one take,folks and let's make this one count not only for us but also for the people we love, the people who complete us. Until our next post then...take care of yourselves...and do love one another.