Mending the Nets

Remember the time when you had some order in your life? When everything fits in place and flows together we get a sense of purpose and a feeling of peace brought about the calmness we feel. We fall out of the seams when we become unhinged from all these and our natural response is actually twofold; to deny and not do anything or to try to bring some order back in our lives.There are actually many types of NEEDS that must be met in order for us to feel complete and these needs are categorized in a heirarchy where your most basic and fundamental needs take precedence over others. Without going through the psychology behind human nature let's talk of these needs as we see, feel, and heed them in our daily living. I think one of our most basic NEEDS is our need to BELONG. Our relationships with our spouse, loved ones, our co-workers, friends, and colleagues gives a basic understanding of our sense of belonging. To be part of something gives us a sense of purpose, a sense of security. We often define who we are not only by what we do but also by where we are.This notion is often overlooked and sometimes over emphasized. What you must understand is that although you are in a relationship, you must still exercise your individuality as well as respect other people for theirs.  

One of the key areas under our NEED TO BELONG is that of our relationships. I'm going to ask you some questions and  I want you to think of the QUESTIONS as well as your ANSWERS:

"Are your relationships healthy?"

Now take a moment to think about that. Does a healthy relationship mean it's based on trust, is free of tensions, reservations, stress, etc.? Well, yes and no. Yes in that a healthy relationship does require the
previous criterias be met and no in that some elements besides what's mentioned above need addressing as well. First of these is the idea of "Give and Take". Now remember that there are no perfect relationships. Like everything else it needs to be worked at, to be sustained and nurtured in order to make it work; and
making relationships work is not a one man team, it takes both partners to play by the rules. When a point of compromise is reached on a given subject or issue between two people how far do you think can you maintain your end of the bargain before your comfort zones are breached? Do you stretch your limits and compromise your needs, your feelings, your standards just to make it work? Or do you give up and consider it a no win situation and walk away? The reason why a lot of relationships don't work is that people are afraid to enter or commit themselves into letting each other know how they feel.

"How well do you communicate with your partner?"

Find time to talk to one another. Bring that inner spark back in your relationship. Often times, with kids,work, mortgage payments,and everything else taking the time to talk to one another is starting to sound like a rare commodity. I don't mean the usual " How was your day?" talk. Talk of your needs. as we grow older our needs change. Build your relationships based not just on trust but also understanding and acceptance. Know that we are not perfect people so respect your partners' flaws as well as you do their strengths. I think one of the key issues which I think a lot of people miss is the part about LISTENING.

"How well do you listen to your partner?"

What I mean by that is do you listen with deaf ears? When your partner talks and opens his or herself to you try to understand them. A good listener always asks when something is vague or not clearly understood. This gives your partner a gauge on your level of interest or concern on what they are telling you. So don't be a passive listener and be more engaging by showing and letting your partner feel that you are actually there for them.Another key point on being a good listener is to never interrupt your partner when they are trying to get  a point across to you. Wait for them to finish and speak with plain honesty.

Mending the nets in any relationship is never easy. It takes effort from both sides to make it work. Respect your partner and be honest with him or her. Don't take them for granted and show them you appreciate the little senseless acts of love they do for you. Remember that if you give love into a relationship its love you get in return. Until our next post, folks...take care and love one another. We've only one take in this thing called life. Make your relationships work and feel better today.